In 1995, the diocese gave me a gift: a one-volume Book of Christian Prayer. I was accepted into Aspirancy, a year to discern my call to the diaconate. The formation director said, “Deacons are required to say Morning and Evening Prayer. But I want you to start now.” He gave all the aspirants the same shiny new book.
I look at that book now. It’s unusable. The spine has collapsed, some of the ribbons have been replaced by sticky notes, the pages sometimes need a little coaxing to stay open, and the leather cover is about gone.
I was hoping the book would make it until the Church released the new translation for the Liturgy of the Hours, but no. I’ve since switched to the four-volume set and sometimes use the www.divineoffice.org app on my phone.
I don’t feel sadness or nostalgia when I consider sending my prayer book to its final resting place. I feel gratitude for God’s faithfulness. In its tattered condition, I see my prayers, and a lot of them. When I started praying the Hours my children were young, and the book stayed with me as my children matured into adulthood (getting a good workout when they were teens). The book was my partner in two corporate mergers, a bankruptcy, and three career changes.
Beyond my thoughts and words, the tattered book reveals a physical component to my prayers. Many prayers came with an anxious rub, a comforting squeeze, or a nervous ruffling of the pages.
The image of the frayed book offers an answer to the question, “What would 30 years of prayers look like?” The image of the book also calls to mind God’s faithfulness. In the creases and age, I see not just 30 years of prayers offered, but 30 years of prayers answered.
The exterior of the book might reflect the interior of my heart. A person cannot earnestly pray to the living God without being changed, transformed, and show a bit of wear. In the movie Shadowlands, the person playing C.S. Lewis said, “I pray because the need flows out of me all the time – waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God – it changes me.” My interior may be worn and tattered – but in a good way.
You might have a similar gently worn object that’s bore the brunt of your prayers – a bible, a Rosary, or a journal. Look at the worn condition as a symbol of both prayers offered and prayers answered. Thank God for the changes that your prayers have brought about.
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