A simple way to deepen connection

The highlight of my Thanksgiving week was a long hike around North Mountain in Phoenix.  My son and I paired up, left our spouses behind, and started walking and talking.  It was one of the best conversations we had had in a long while. 

Too often, the conversations around holiday gatherings seem a little superficial:  football, weather, traffic, and news.  In contrast, while walking on the desert trail, my son and I discussed of matters of the heart.  Dreams, fears, transitions, anxieties, connections. 

Our conversation was as expansive as the desert plateaus but also as deep as the desert canyons. 

I have similar experiences in spiritual direction.  I meet with people in a variety of settings: in my office, on my laptop, tucked away in a restaurant corner, or sitting on a park bench.  My favorite location, however, is talking while walking on a path or hiking on a trail.  After the session, I am energized and my companion usually finds clarity. 

During the walking session, I am surprisingly more focused and present.  Like with my son, there were long pauses as we navigated a particularly technical part of the trail.  As my body focused on my next step, my mind had time to absorb the information conveyed.  My heart had time to absorb the underlying sentiments.

As a person who is both shy and introverted, I sometimes have trouble maintaining eye contact.  I need to look away to process.  If the eye contact is too direct, my mind freezes in panic and anxiety.  The beauty of walking and talking is that my eyes can roam around, even delight in the natural surroundings.  We both feel less pressure to respond.

While walking with another, the physical activity blends beautifully with the emotional and spiritual dimensions.  There is a sense of movement and progress in all three.  My son and I had a sense we were going somewhere, both on the trail and in the conversation.  The walking rhythm mirrors the flow of thoughts and emotions.  The physical movements burn away negative thoughts and painful memories.

Walking side by side creates a connection.  It says, “I am walking at the same pace as you. We are on the same path.  We are partners in this journey.”  It’s no coincidence that Jesus sent his disciples out “two by two”.  (Mk 6:7-13)

If you feel like you’ve lost a connection with a person in your life, instead of saying the somewhat ominous, “Let’s talk”, try saying the more inviting, “Let’s go for a walk.”