How I see my cancer in the gospel narrative

Bad news.  I found out I have cancer in my prostate.  Good news.  It was caught early, there were only tiny amounts of cancer cells present, and it’s the slow-growing kind.  The recommended treatment is “active surveillance”.  If it continues to grow, then launch into a more aggressive plan.  The treatment is delayed because it carries with it several negative consequences.  Better to live and let live for now.

I share this because initially, I felt my life was over.  But after deeper reflection and God’s revelation, I’ve found a new way to align my mission with Jesus’ mission.

Jesus travelled the countryside healing people both physically and spiritually, teaching about the Father’s love, and preaching the good news, especially to the poor.  He attracted huge crowds. 

Since launching the Font of Mercy, I’ve tried to align my mission of healing, preaching, and teaching with his.  I’ve witnessed magnificent healing in retreats and spiritual direction.  I’m not attracting ‘huge crowds’, but have about 30 who meet with me each month.  I bring ‘good news’ to the poor each week.  I volunteer at a homeless shelter that beyond basic case management, my presence gives them a glimpse of the Father’s love.  I’m teaching a course on advanced prayer at Divine Mercy University.  My life seemed to be flourishing.  My mission seemed nicely aligned with the Lord’s. 

Then came the results after six months of testing.  There’s a good chance I have some gruesome cancer treatments at some point in my future.  It could be a year, or it could be ten or more (please pray for the later). 

I went through a range of emotions.  I was afraid.  I was angry.  I wanted to quit.  I was on the edge of slipping into a dark depression.  I cried out, “God, why are you doing this now?  Everything in my life and ministry was coming together.  You’re going to really mess up the good work I am doing for you!”

I echoed the words of Teresa of Avila.  When she slipped off her donkey and fell into the mud, she famously stated, “God, if this is how you treat your friends, it’s no wonder you have so few!” 

Then came a new realization.  Throughout his mission, Jesus was on a journey to Jerusalem.  During his healing, teaching, and preaching, he saw the cross looming ever larger on the horizon.  This realization didn’t deter him from doing his work but defined it. 

The image helps me see that, although there might be some suffering in the hopefully distant future, my mission is even more aligned with Jesus.  Instead of letting this drag me down, I can let this awareness bring me closer to the Lord’s life and ministry. 

May the crosses in your future bring you closer to the life and love of the Lord today. 

P.S.  I preached a related message on the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross:  The three proper ways to respond to the cross