The sure way to deflate the angel of darkness

In the Second Week of the Spiritual Exercises, Saint Ignatius warns that the angel of darkness often comes disguised as an angel of light with the subversive intent to gradually lead us away from God. I wish I could say I’ve learned this lesson once and for all—but last week reminded me how subtle and convincing that disguise can be.

Ignatius teaches that the angel of light draws us toward God: toward grace, peace, freedom, and life. The angel of darkness, by contrast, draws us away from God.  The angel of darkness is not always Satan and his minions, but could be as St. Paul repeats:  the world, the flesh, and the devil.  For me, this enemy is often my ego, which places within me an inordinate desire to please, a fear of criticism, and a need to appear competent. These are the places where the enemy knows he can get traction.

I felt that traction as I began a new semester teaching an online course for spiritual directors at Divine Mercy University. I had scheduled two possible times to meet with my ten students each week, with a perfect group size of five or six.

Once I posted the sign-up sheet, emails began arriving: time slots were full, a student couldn’t make one of the classes, and another asked to make up the class with the other instructor.  Late that night, I awoke from my sleep.  I realized two additional students had been added. I failed to factor that in the schedule.

I woke early that morning and before praying, I immediately acted. I was convinced I needed to add a third group.  I updated the signup sheet and posted the announcement to all the students.  All before 7:00 AM.  I congratulated myself on being so competent and responsive, thinking of the praise I would receive from the students. 

The next morning, I prayed in silence.  I heard a quiet question from the Lord: Why did you add another group?  I realized then that two groups would have been fine.  I then considered the implications:  the added time it demanded would lessen the time I work with the homeless.

Ignatius says that the enemy “proposes apparent pleasures” and then “little by little tries to draw the person into his hidden snares.”   The real tactic was not to accommodate the students.  It was to take away from the work with the homeless, wear me down, and distract me from my work.  

My first response was self-reproach:  Why didn’t I bring this to prayer!  But recognizing the attack, even a day late, may become grace. I brought the decision back to God and asked Him to redeem it. And I think God will. The smaller groups could allow deeper accompaniment. I changed my schedule to miss only a couple of hours with the homeless.  The added time slot dovetailed nicely with my schedule.  So far, the response to the added time slot has been well-received. 

I was once again reminded of this basic tenet of the spiritual life:  pray first, act later.  The angel of darkness thrives on haste while the angel of light waits for us in prayer.